My life as any other has its ups and downs, just as each person has their own fight in life and something to overcome, bear and defeat. Those who do know me would use depression as the last word to describe me as this is far from who i am.
If a reader of my blogs at first glance it may seem im depressed, as i can understand how you reached this conclusion but this is not the case. My blog is filled with the times i needed a way to express my pain in my life where i feel loneliness, madness, anger, solitude, judgement, defeat, abandonment and so much more. Although my blog is also filled with hope, salvation, gratitude, victory, freedom and my dreams. I am not who these people think i am simply because i write it, i dont hold it in. I found writing my feelings down a way to face them in a healthy way where i accept them and move on. My writing ability is a great help to my sanity since its a constant comfort of not letting myself go mad with such overwhelming feelings.
If you wish to know me, do not judge me. If you wish to save me, i don't need a savior. Do not get me wrong, I do need salvation but i truly believe God has given my free will and the strength so i can be my own savior. Although i have to admit, i need a friend. This is a reason why i got angered when boldly told i am a depressed person. If i have scars in my heart i do not erase them because they remind me of the lessons i have learned. If my heart has been hurt, i do not attempt to "fix" it because i have not been broken. Isn't that pain proof of my ability to love someone?
I think it is impossible to want to go through life without getting hurt, only because i also believe we as humans do not know how to truly love yet. So until then, my scars prove to me i have lived so far. I expect to get hurt and hurt others through my journey so of course ill will receive a lot of hits through life, but there is a saying: "It doesn't matter how hard you hit, but how much you can take". I personally interpret this through a literal meaning and metaphoric as if hinting the moment you hit, your letting yourself change, and when you stand tall with all the blows received, you cant be more yourself than then.
So i am not a depressed person. If i was i wouldn't stand solitude and succumb to more darker deeds i believe such as drinking, drugs and isolation. I'm just a human being fighting my fights and facing my feelings. I have no need of a savior, but i am where i am not only because of my effort but because of those around me as my friends and family who constantly give me support and love. In a way i guess they are my salvation and inspiration to keep fighting and not hit back. So thank you for your concern, but i do not need your "salvation" but i would love to have the honor of being your friend.
Gabriela Barrera The fool
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