Something new has happened to me. I'm making so many plans for the future at the same time im trying to live in the present. I was so caught up in these details and the planning i lost what was most important to myself. I didn't loose my dream, which is to be the best me i can be, but it is so vague that even i get lost in it sometimes. I honestly don't know what i want. I forgot how to listen to my heart. I'm literally lost within my self and now that i have accepted this i can change it. Although, im so lost. I don't even know how to learn to listen to it again. Its as if my overbearing thoughts which are rational and logical blind my true voice.
I don't want my life to be driven by my thoughts, but my voice which seems i have forgotten how to listen to. So, now im very indecisive in what i should do and what i want to do. There really is no right way to live a life, but im so scared of regret I freeze.
I always knew i would be my own obstacle in life. I knew it because there is nothing in this life that could possibly stop me from reaching my dreams but myself. I'm not depressed, but more like distressed. I cant do anything because i cant make up my mind not knowing which way is right and which way is left, much less up and down.
I also now that this situation im in cant be simply fixed by writing it since these are not emotions, nor tangible fixes, but something much more complicated as it is who i am, i just cant reach myself. At the time im not mad at myself nor i think i will be because this is... inevitable. I have to grow and this is that moment in my life, the moment in which i feel that my mind and way of thinking will change completely after i learn how to listen again.
Its not that i dont know who i am or where im going, its simply doing what is right-which is what i want, not what im expected from.
Honestly. What do I want? I want to be the best me i can be.
And who is that?
Gabriela Barrera
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