I constantly tell myself that I am strong enough to be true to who I am despite the worlds cruelty. I want someone to help me in my time of need, to not turn a blind eye. I need for someone to believe in me when I no longer do. I wanted to be everything I needed for others, so they could be there for me. Its selfish but its real and genuine- To treat others how you want them to treat you.
Yet in my kindness I am taken for a stupid fool, someone who is naive and constantly stepped over.
Let me explain something on behalf of us who are kind and constantly overlooked. We are there for you in your time of need because we save a piece of ourselves when we save you. We are kind despite knowing you would have never done the same because you hold no power in determining who we are.
I refuse to let people or situations determine who I am. Only I choose to hold power over myself and do not think of yourself greatly for confusing your weakness for my strength.
The strength of holding my heart in my hand every single day.
The strength to easily forgive despite being hurt endlessly.
The strength to leave yourself vulnerable for others to trust.
The strength to care for others when knowing no one will ever turn twice when I need them.
The strength to tell my mother she will be alright despite having cancer.
The strength to tell my brother I will take care of him despite being terrified.
The strength to cry, feel defeat, pain and anger in their raw and intense moments.
Everyone has a fight to fight, something to face and something to believe in, However, I am kind because I am well aware of the worlds cruelty. I am genuine because I know how people can be so fake. I am loyal because I know what it feels to be betrayed.
It is so easy to pretend to be tough, that you don't care for others opinions and can make it on your own. Well, the difference between us and those who lie to themselves is simple.
We live for ourselves while the rest live for an illusion.
There are days, so many days, I feel so much pain I don't want to get up from bed. Day's I want to give up, when I don't want to fight anymore. Those moments when I sit under the shower and try to drown my world in music. It's so damn hard, for everyday to give your all to only be treated as if our all was worth shit. Some days, I pity those people and other days I envy them for how simple their lives seem.
Someone had the courage to tell me how they felt about me. They envied my smile...for how genuine and easy it seemed. It's in these moments I remember: I choose myself, so I can smile.
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