Life behind disapointment

I had forgotten and will continue to forget the feeling of disapointment i cause to others, simply for letting them down. Its natural this will ocour as its part of life and in our nature to not be perfect and simply mess up. Or in other terms "fuck up".

It amazes me how im controversial and yet still hope to be balanced, at least this is my goal. I state how i dont want expectations feeling them as restriccions but then i disapoint someone dear to me that i remember a expectation can also be sort of freedom.

I have noticed how my life thus far is surronded by different opinions of different types of people and have expectations not to limit me but a promise ill chalenge it and defeat it. And so when i disapoint, it hurts me more than just failing because i didnt only fail myself but i hurt them too.

In a sense its safe to say my life doesnt only belong to me, as should be. My life is a gift to myself, to god, and those i love  since i may be the performer but i also have an audience who join me.

 Today i have disapointed, and am mad at myself for failing them. I have learned and although i regret how, i wouldnt change anything. I wouldnt change anything because i wasnt anyone else but myself at the moment of my decisions. In my all maturiety or ignorance, i choose and now have learned. 

 Although it pains me, at the same, time i can say: today i lived to the max. I was myself today, made a mistake and learned from it. There is nothing else i can ask for. Today, i have lived.

P.s. Please leave a comment and let me know what you think.

                          Gabriela barrera The fool