I only want the company of my shadow

I want to be alone

The desire to live life has become so overpowering I want to be alone. I am impatient and eger to discover the world, make it come to its knees from lack of keeping up with me, to exploit every culture and hear every language. I want to try every lifestyle and face each challange. I want to learn new truths and debate philosophies. I want to cry, laugh, love, disappoint, anger, forgive, hate and do it all over again when i die at night and  birth at morning. 

I am still too young and have no means to do the things i want to do but I look forword to the places ill go, the people ill meet and the person ill be. I want to be alone as the people i am surronded by have tendencies to cage me in. 

I am scared of my inconpetence of letting them influence me, in the good and wrong set of minds. I have a strong need to be myself so i can live my life to my standards, to my opinion and most importantly for me. But I get lost in ideas, confused in basic standards that I do not know who i am- for i am changing. 

A change so deep and so drastic I wondered if it was natural. I am in a constant state of mind that is a deadly quiet silence. A silence so calm but an illusion, as it brings turmoil eliminating what I once took for granted-me. It makes me wary and feel every emotion to its peek where I am overwhelmed yet, I cant help but feel excited for what this means. Thus calm demeanor takes on many aspects but the most frightening is my insensibility. I can see everything and become very logical, its cold but if a person brings a smile to me face I'm extremely caring.

I want to leave, having the oportunity to reinvent myself completely is rare but a gift. I want to be alone for im scared of my venerability and my increasing anger toward the innocent. The innocent who knows nothing yet is guilty for everything. 

Who would of thought the calm was actually the storm? As confusion is actually deep understanding. And so, i want to be alone. I'm selfish but its ok, life is so long and beautiful isn't it natural to want to see the world? 

Gabriela